The People in No Hurry to Bury Their Dead
come to grips with: to accept and begin to manage a difficult or painful reality
In Tana Toraja, a quiet region on the Indonesian island of Sulawesi, death is traditionally not treated as a single moment. When someone dies, the family is in no hurry to say goodbye. They do not call the person dead. They call them “to makula,” which means “a sick person.” The body remains in the family home, sometimes for a few months and sometimes for several years.
During this time, the family cares for the body every day. They bring food and water. They offer cigarettes. They talk to the person and sit with them. In a real sense, the dead person is still part of the household.
The reason is partly spiritual and partly financial. A proper Toraja funeral is huge. It can last for days, welcome hundreds of guests, and require the sacrifice of many buffalo and pigs. Most families need years to save enough money. Until the funeral happens, many Toraja families believe the spirit has not truly left. Only after the ceremony does the soul begin its journey to Puya, the land of spirits.
For the Toraja, this slow goodbye is how they come to grips with losing someone. And the bond does not end at the grave. Every few years, in a ceremony called ma’nene, families open the tombs again. They take out their relatives, clean them, and dress them in fresh clothes before posing together for a family photo.
Sample sentences
It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that my parents were getting older.
New managers have to come to grips with the fact that not everyone will like their decisions.
He is still coming to grips with how much his life changed after the accident.
Read More
The Dead Live With Their Loved Ones on This Indonesian Island (NPR)
An Indonesian Tradition of Digging Up Dead Relatives (Religion Unplugged)
Grief and Death Ceremonies of the Torajans (National Geographic)
